The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
