Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
