pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
