if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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