have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
