Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
