if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize