Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
