I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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