Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
