He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
