Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
