Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
