I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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