I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
