Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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