If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to sanitize my soul.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
