and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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