some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
