This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
