Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
