I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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