Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
