Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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