Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize