i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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