My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
