Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
