The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
