I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
