she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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