Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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