I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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