I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
