What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
