im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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