I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
