I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
