Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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