is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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