"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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