ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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