You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize