If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i already hear my dad disowning me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize