i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize