my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
