I CAN MOONWALK!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
