We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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