There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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