They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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