The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
