god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
