neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
