i jhust puked up my retainher.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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