Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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