i need an iv and a liver transplant
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
