Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
