my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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