i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize