I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
