i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
