the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
