She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize