So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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