and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
