garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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