SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
