your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
