My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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