jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
