elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
