Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
