Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
