weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
