She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
