I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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