I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
