So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Houston, we have a blender
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize