Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
